I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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