She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
