I could have mohawked her pubes.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
high people should be assigned attendants
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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