Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The air was thick with penises
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
