I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
