We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
