It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
