Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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