Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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