she looked like the before picture.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You're like the curious george of whores
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
