I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
