great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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