i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
