I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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