I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
