What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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