So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize