did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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