Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize