OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
