You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
