She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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