Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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