Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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