Porn is love you can see.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
