I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
