She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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