my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
