I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
