I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She just used a chaser for red wine.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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