So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
