Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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