Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
