my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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