Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
