how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
my nose is crying tears of wow.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
