I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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