Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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