also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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