is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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