All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
