when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Do vagina's smell?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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