im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
