I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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