Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
