So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
