and you said cock pushups were impossible
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
