i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
