I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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