saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
