That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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