CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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