I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
