yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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