Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
