fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
