do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
