somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm like, not good at living.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
