Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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