Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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