i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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