why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
