I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
