I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
