She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
