There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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