dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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