Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
