so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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